Snapped
by toreax
Summary: Don had always wanted to be useful. He didn't want to be worthless to his brothers. He would do anything to make them happy or comfort them. But after one mistake, his world crashes down around him and he finally snapped.


**Warnings: Depression, hints at future suicide, hints at tcest, hints at slight non-con, unstable thoughts**

Donatello hated himself.

He only tried to give them his best. He tried to be like them. Nights spent training for hours on end, trying to become stronger so he could help to protect them. Countless nights with no sleep, only the punching bag and his Bo staff. He barely slept, barely remembered to eat. His brothers had to remind him themselves.

But they only thought he spent all his time in his lab just working on his numerous projects, inventions and plans. His incredible intelligence wanted him to go into a path that differed from his brothers. Not entirely a pacifist, but to not initiate a fight unless needed.

He could make to tiniest things that could go an enormous amount of ways. He could build the biggest things that could help them fight and win! But it was never enough.

His brothers thought of him as a ragdoll, a punching bag. Someone who isn't affected by emotions.

He thought the same.

He was the lowest brother; the weakest fighter; the worst. He was the one of could be sacrificed and no change would happen without him there. He was the shield. He could be replaced if needed.

But it was all because of that one mistake.

That one small, huge mistake.

He was nothing.

It was after Master Splinter had passed. Everyone was emotionally distressed and drained. Tears were shed until there were none to expel. Their friendships were strained from the fighting due to the lack of sleep and sadness they were still getting over.

Don, himself, was extremely tired. He was the one who was constantly comforting his brothers. Due to his extra training he did at an ungodly time in the morning and the lack of nutrition, he was only running on coffee and a couple hours of sleep each night.

He wasn't sure about his brothers, but he knew they were eating fine, maybe a little less, but they were still strong and healthy. They had days where they just skipped training and hung out around the T.V., watching numerous movies a day.

Don was depressed. _Really depressed_.

Sure, he had been depressed in the past; hence the extra training and always looking after his brothers, but this sent him in a bit of a spiral. Still, it wasn't enough to make him snap.

He felt worthless. Sure, he comforted. But, it didn't seem to work at all. It was just another thing he couldn't do. He was completely worthless.

So when Leo came to him, he was shocked. It was all new. Leo was the closest to their master and everyone knew it. Leo spent hours a day with his father, soaking all the information he could from his father. He learned and dealt from Splinter and would forever hold the wise words of the mutant that saved them eighteen years ago.

He was nervous, but got through it. He didn't want to, but it was for his brother. His eldest brother who wanted him to be useful for once. It was a chance to not be worthless. Of course he took it. He hadn't agreed.

Then Mikey came to him. He was worried and extremely nervous, full of anxiety. But his baby brother _begged_ him and gave him the puppy dog eyes that no one could resist. He was scared. He didn't know what Leo would think. But, Mikey needed comforting. He didn't want it.

He didn't agree. But he had let it happen.

When Raph came to him, he was absolutely terrified. His body was trembling and his hands shook violently. He couldn't get his mouth to move, so he didn't speak. His words had been said times before. He had let it happen. He lies down motionlessly and let it happen. He didn't want it. He didn't agree to it at all.

They just took every bit of dignity and pride he had and they didn't even know.

They didn't ask, they told. Don didn't give them permission.

He had spread his legs and let them do whatever they wanted. He had no reaction, just stared up with unfocused eyes wondering if he was ever going to be alright again.

But it was alright. It was for his brothers. His brothers got what they wanted. He would do anything for them so he wasn't worthless. He would do anything for his brothers, even if his soul was being ripped into shredded ribbons while they didn't even know.

But when they had found out…

_You slept with him?!_

_What is wrong with you?!_

_Whore!_

_Disgusting slut!_

He had stayed at April's that night. He had to get away that night, he was scared beyond recognition. Not only was he afraid of the words, of the terrible ways he was treated and going to be treated, he was afraid his brothers would sneak into his room at night and take more than before.

April was worried when she got home and saw Don sleeping on the worn couch in their apartment.

Don had refused to tell her anything. He just said Leo and Raph were fighting again and he just wanted to stay the night so he didn't have to listen.

Don had stopped eating, only consuming food every few days when he was just minutes from passing out cold. He stopped his training completely, both regular and extra. He spent all his time in his lab, only leaving most nights to stay at April's. He was too scared to stay in the lair when he was asleep and vulnerable.

He stopped inventing.

His creations, unfinished, lay on the back desk, collecting dust.

He only sat on his desk chair and stared at his blank concrete wall.

He had obviously lost weight, the small amount of fat disappearing and his muscles deflating. There was only a small bit of muscle left, also clinging to his bones with his skin which had turned a paler shade. His legs were small and his shell big and boxy around his small frame. He could feel his ribs sticking out and his hips were more prominent and boney. His stomach always growled, but he wasn't able to keep food down if he wanted to. His stomach just repelled. He had thrown up a few times on accident after drinking too much water.

His brothers didn't look at him. They didn't talk to him. When they glanced at him when he got in their way, they scowled or snarled at his face, even Mikey. They didn't notice how he was malnourished and looked like a skeleton hobbling around on wobbly, skinny legs. They never said anything about him being in training.

Don hadn't been on patrol or run topside since that day. He had only sprinted to April's when he could feel the panic attack raging through his veins, reminding him that his brothers could barge in and strip him away from his honor more than last.

There were some days he sat in his lab, clutching a small blade only millimeters away from his wrist, wondering how long it would take to reach that artery that could end everything.

He just wanted to comfort them. He just wanted to make them happy. He wanted to be useful.

One day, he had caught up to Raphael as he was speeding out of the lair for patrol. Leo and Mikey were training.

Raphael didn't acknowledge him, and Don knew he didn't want to give him the satisfaction of actually showing he knew Don was there.

Don only followed in almost silence; his labored and rapid breathes filling the air around them. His legs were weak and buckling every time he took a step when he ran, but he stayed up. He didn't want to be left behind or laughed at in the face by his hot-headed brother.

Don tripped over his own feet on a rooftop. It was dark outside from the grey clouds shielding the midnight blue sky from the noisy city. His thin limbs splayed as he tried to catch himself from landing on his face. Lucky he wasn't at the edge of the roof, he definitely would have fallen.

Raphael didn't falter in his running.

Donatello quickly scrambled up, his arms shaking from the small amount of weight they had to lift up. His thighs trembled, but he ignored the overwhelming fatigue and continued to catch up with Raphael.

When he finally reached his brother, he was standing, arms crossed, looking over the city, the bright lights illuminating his emerald green face. Don was going to stand next to him, but found him screaming mentally. He tried not to register that he was scared of his brothers touching him.

They hadn't just broken him physically.

He stayed where he was, feet behind and diagonal of Raphael. No words were said for some time.

Donatello's thoughts whirled around his head. Dark whispers and encouraging words to throw him of the building became more and more persuasive.

He couldn't throw himself off the building at all. That would just attract unwanted attention. He wasn't an attention whore.

_Whore!_

Don's breathe became more rapid, but he quickly swallowed it down as well as the panic attack that came along with the word. His brothers were right; he probably was a whore, even if he just wanted them all happy.

Don opened his mouth and grimaced. He hadn't talked in a long time. He was used to muttering to himself in his room, but that didn't call on his voice. He coughed softly, clearing his throat.

"I'd do it, you know."

His voice pierced through the silence and left a surprisingly comforting feeling on his tongue. It was nice to admit his thoughts for once. He had only talked to himself these past months. He didn't care that his voice sounded raspy, unused. Or that it took a lot of breathe to even say those few words.

He didn't expect Raph to answer him.

"Do what?" Raph snapped. He didn't turn around; he only continued to stare at the city endlessly. He chuckled humorlessly. "Sleep with all of us again? Like I said, Donnie, you're a _disgusting slut_."

Don felt that lump in his throat again and didn't bother to swallow it back down. He didn't cry, didn't sob, and didn't let one tear escape his eyes.

_I'd do it, you know._

Don closed his eyes and only let one tear escape. He wrapped his arms around his small frame, his shell poking into his bones uncomfortably.

_I'd rid myself._

Don slowly turned around and began to exit the rooftop on clumsy legs.

_If that's what you want, I would kill myself._

_It's obvious that's what you all want._

Don didn't head back to the lair, to his lab, or to April's. He continued to walk the rooftops, only leaping the gaps in between. He was going to find somewhere knew where he could die in peace. Maybe he could visit his father in the afterlife. Maybe he could see how he was doing.

_I'd do anything for you, my brothers._

Donatello had finally snapped.

**I was going to make this into a multi-chapter that was going to be really good. Maybe I will. This was a bit messy and thrown together because I had a few school things going on between the few hours of writing this. Comment. Let me know if your want multi-chapter.**


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